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Pokemorph Paradise: Lene

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My application for :iconpokemorphparadise: The only thing I MAY change is her level.. I'm use to high levels but I may just change them down to around level 50 or 60... >Levels up to quickly on her pokemon games.
Other than that this is my Poke'sona. I really like her. She was based off of this song: [link]

Name: Lene

Age: 19

Gender: Female

Level: 54

Nature: Impish

Ability: Inner Focus

Moves: Pursuit, Moonlight, Confuse Ray, Mean Look, Quick Attack, and Guard Swap.

Bio: Lene is the type that you would see with headphones on almost 24/7, at the game store, at arcades, anything having to do with gaming or music. Her whole life is about music, weather it be 8-bit remixes that she had made herself or just random deadmau5 songs. She tends to feel slightly emotionless without her music or games, but when she has the two she is almost as hyper as a fennec fox with a mouse. She can be shy and timid at times, but she's more mischeivious. She loves to prank people, messing around with her friends, and basically be the goof in the group. She cares deeply for her friends and family, most of her friends being male, she tends to get perverted thoughts in her head just by hearing something random, like carrot or banana.
At the moment, she is her own boss. She runs a buisness where she goes to other peoples parties and DJs for them. When she's not at work, she's at the arcade, if she's not at the arcade she's normally training. Unlike a lot of other gamers, she actually is really active. She enjoys fighting, she enjoys using her moves, she loves the thrill of a fight. She normally goes to a regular gym and trains with a friend of hers that works, but she prefers fighting others as well.


I will write more if I need to, but this is basically her. Sorry for making her level so high in the first start. I really would like to keep her at level 54 though.
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DinKelion's avatar
Okay, your new Bio is an interesting one... And unfortunately, it's got qualities that scream Mary Sue. (and it was the case prior to as well.)

You've purposely picked qualities in the effort to fix what was lacking in your first bio, and as a result, you've picked too many. Sure she can have some practice in combat, but judging by the fact that she also (likely) spends a very large portion of her life with music/Dj/her job, playing video/arcade games, and training is one too many.

The same goes with her personality.

She's 'shy and timid' and then she is 'mischievous'. She's emotionless unless she has music and games in front of her, in which case she's hyper. She's perverted, and is a loving person, with a goofy side to her.

Just... pick one quality, please. She's too random. You need to sum up her personality with at least one or two general facts about them. My Little Pony is a perfect example (and I can see you're a fan of it) Take any of the 6 main characters and you can immediately describe their personality in one or two words.

Fluttershy? Timid, and Caring
Rainbow Dash? Proud and Competitive
Rarity? Vain and analytical

My point is... After reading your second Bio, I'm not sure what she is. Is she impish and perverted? Or is she emotionless and Hyper active? Or Loving and friendly? Too many contradictions.

Persona's are bad for characters in role play because of this. In real life, it's very hard to just call someone 'Proud and Competitive' because in real life, we experience more things in one day than our characters will ever experience in a RP.

I can see you really want her at a high level, but no. I'm not going to accept that at all. The type of character you have is far too spread out. And it probably doesn't help that this is your Poke-sona. (A character made based off of who you are.)

And no. You're not going to just add 'Oh she trains as well' for your excuse to keep her level high. That's a very poor reason for deciding that.

I don't think you did spend 'weeks thinking about this character' If you did, you probably wouldn't have made just a short and poorly described Bio in the first place. Same with the level! At one point during your week of contemplating, that this probably would seem extremely out of character of your character to be a level 84?

No, I'm not accepting this character. It's your Poke'sona, meaning you didn't really think of inventing a character up, you just took everything that is who you are and drew your one of your most favorite pokemon.